For fans of Inexplicable Objects, for devotees of Absoludicrous Video, for all who appreciate the cream of the crap, I give you: lol.com
At first sight, it's just disappointing. Yeah, big whoop, it's a collection of the same stupid jokes someone at the office thinks it's hilarious to flood the group emails with. But keep clicking, and you begin to see the hidden treasures here.
Not good jokes. Lawsy lawsy no. Terrible jokes. In terms of general joke quality, the best you'll get is okay-but-you've-heard-it-a-million-times.
No, good humor is not the secret quality underlying the magic of lol.com.
What's hiding here is a deep vein of pure, uncut totally fucking insane
Jokes that come from the deepest recesses (ahem) of gradeschool, the kind entertaining only to those who don't yet know what those parts
are actually for or really even where they're located, apparently submitted by actual
third graders. Jokes that seem to have been part of some mailing list, and have been assaulted by humorless drones who felt compelled to add extra 'zingers' (needless 'quotes' included) that totally murder the humor to death by killing as lethally as the motivational-poster frame gag does to otherwise amusing images on thefunniest.info
. Jokes that aren't funny to begin with, but take on a kind of demented genius by their presentation: interjections telling you when to be on alert for the punchline, irrationally long and complicated setups for very simple concepts, "Quotations that open but never close, lines of dots that would be ellipses if they didn't go on for so long...........CAPS and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!! laid in where you least expect them?!?
Better than half of the lol.com content appears to have been submitted by people who are a) psychotic, b) not native English speakers, c) retarded, d) eight, e) not entirely familiar with keyboards, or f) some combination of at least three of these.
There's the Penguin story, a lame joke elevated to new heights...or depths...or something...by the strangely lyrical and ornamented text leading up to the pedestrian punchline. There's the Big Orange Head, funny only because it makes no sense. There are at least three versions of the old On Blueberry Hill joke, none of which use the musical phrase 'on Blueberry Hill'. There's a blonde who is filled with panic and a giggle, a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into it ('shazam!'), the experiment with the worms, and "three people -- let's say a three friends".
And then there's The Joke.
It's the Shaggy Dog Story of the Sphinx. It's a masterpiece of surrealism. Any attempt to understand The Joke as it progresses is undermined by the next clause afterward. The whole thing reads not only as though it were an attempt to transcribe a dream, but as though it were somehow written by someone who actually was
asleep. If an alien race came to Earth looking to understand this Earthling concept of 'hu-mor', and found this, the best
we could hope for is complete vaporization.
In a few humble paragraphs The Joke presents a window into the unfortunate processes of the human mind as deep and perplexing as the entire running time of Mr. T's Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool. I could spend hours analysing The Joke, right down to the level of individual words, and still fail to grasp its numinous, neurotic beauty.
Before attempting any such analysis, though, I will simply present The Joke and let it speak, however incoherently, for itself.
Remember, this is the whole joke. Somebody, somewhere, presumably a member of our species, deliberately typed this and submitted it as an example of humor:
A blonde, brunette,and a red head all try out for a play. In a scene, an actor has to slap them so the man slaps the brunette on her right cheek so she turns her head to the left. Then he slaps the red head on her right cheek and she turns her head left. Then he slaps the blonde and she slaps him back and says " Man, Why Did you just slap me?"
And he says, "Because it was in the scene!"
And she says, "I don't care if God told you to slap the priest you do not slap me or any other blondes"
And he says, "What other blondes? Your the last blonde on Earth."
And then she says "What do you mean?"
He says, " We're in a movie, fairytale, and a novel. How the heck did you not know that?"
She says, " Oh. Well if we're on TV then how did we get out of the TV?"
It's well established that a thin line separates genius from madness. This 'joke' proves that an equally thin border separates both from blithering idiocy.
Current Location: On Cherry Hill
Current Mood: awed
Current Music: no